So you’ve got the kids, and you’ve got the extra chores and bus driving to do. Fine. That’s what comes with kids. But who signed up for the sexless marriage? If you’ve been wondering where your passion went, look no further than your bedroom.
I always tell my clients that when there’s something going on in your life, there’s something going on in your environment. That “environment” can be your body, your home, your neighborhood, or your planet. I’ll concentrate on the home portion of your environment. (I’ll leave it to you to go get your hormones checked and your diet reviewed by a nutritionist.)
I have seen huge changes for the better in the love department by making simple changes to your physical surroundings so let’s head to the bedroom. I’m picking on the bedroom because it is a relationship building room – and the one where passionate moments are most likely to take place.
Let’s start with the big passion killers:
Kid stuff in the bedroom. If Dr. Suess’ Hop on Pop is preventing you from hopping on pop, it’s got to go. Other stuff that reminds you of the kids is out of there too. I’m even talking about their pictures! My rule for the master bedroom is, “Only the eyes of the two who sleep there are allowed to be in there” in picture frames, art, statuary, books, or in real life.

Work stuff. This is a distraction to passion, plain and simple. If your office desk or any work related stuff mixes with this room, you’ve just watered down the passion fires.

Work-out stuff. Nothing says hot lovin’ like the treadmill next to the bed. NOT! Yep, this stuff is distracting too.

Chore or hobby items. The ironing board, the sewing machine, and laundry basket, and the gift wrap zone are not helping the focus stay on each other. Lose the skis and luggage out from under the bed too. As a mater of fact, let’s lose everything out from under the bed.

Dried flowers. I’ve run into dried up marriages that exactly equaled the dried wreath hanging over the headboard. Dried up anything can be a withering symbol of the love making in that room.

TV and phone. Here’s why. People are willing to pay thousands of dollars to spend the night in a hut out in the jungle or on the beach without them – which forces them to concentrate on the one they came with. Why not make your room that $2000 a night retreat that you can sleep in every night?

A big view. I see this as a distraction too. Hey, if you’re looking out the window, you’re not looking at each other. Close the curtains if you’ve got a big honkin’ view from bed.

A bedroom that’s too big. What’s too big? There’s a reason people fantasize about doing it in the airplane bathroom and elevators, and not a big empty public warehouse. If the room holds more than a the average hotel furniture (2 night stands, a bed, a dresser and a couple of chairs) it may be psychologically “too big.” Too big makes you feel like someone is breathing down your neck when they get close. Smaller spaces support a comfortable closeness where it seems appropriate to touch. Bottom line, if your bedroom echos, has “wings” or other rooms off of it – it may be too big. Try sleeping in a small guest room for a while to see if things heat up. Then you’ll know that your poor environment is calling the relationship shots – not you.

Cold, frigid colors and stuff. The snow scene pictures, cold white, or cold colored walls or bedding, or the cold satin sheets, could be snuffing out the passion embers.

No religious or meditation stuff. Spirituality and sex are on the opposite ends of the chakra spectrum and are incongruent in this room.

Basically, the dream bedroom should:
Be somewhere on the small to medium size range. A traditional feng shui solution for a happier marriage is to get a smaller bed. I think this day and age, it’s not only the bed size but the room size as well that’s killing the passion.

Have passion-building stuff available in it (oils, scents, roses, chocolates, champagne, etc.)

Employ warm color tones and soft and interesting textures. A traditional solution is to add soft reds and fiery colors to the room – like with the sheets for starters. (If it interrupts your sleep, then you may have gone too far with the red.)

If you have a king size bed with the two box springs, I’d recommend placing a fitted red sheet over the two box springs under the mattress to symbolically link them and make the “two different beds” meld into one.

By making these changes, you will increase your chances for passion because you are creating an environment conducive to passion. It’s that simple!